i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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