I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
