Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
