Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize