does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
