Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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