Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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