Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
