Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
