I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
