Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
