You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
