I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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