Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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