dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
