dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
