So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The ass gains better be worth it
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