I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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