I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
