Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
