I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
