community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
