It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
