even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
