Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
