i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
