I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
