I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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