I wish I could punch you in the face.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
