Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
