Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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