there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
