Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
