I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
