good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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