cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
