i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize