I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
