An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
