can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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