clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
