remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
