i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
