He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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