So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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