I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
