the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it was like eating out sand paper
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
