Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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