i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
