She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
