sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
