i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
