i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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