When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
