I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
