Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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