I CAN MOONWALK!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
