i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
