"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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