i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
