Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
