He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize