I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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