Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
