i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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