I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
