Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
