she looked like the before picture.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
