So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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