I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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