She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
