I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
